Colfax

The streets in Denver, so I'm told, are very organized. Those that run east <--> west are numbered (truth) and those that run north <--> south are alphabetized (lie).

This lie first became apparent to me in driving around my neighborhood. The streets in Capitol Hill/City Park West are not alphabetized; they are a random mish-mash of ego stroking. A few of the presidents made the 'A' list: Adams, Cook (not so much a president...), Madison, Monroe, Garfield, Jackson, Harrison (...was Harrison a president? Oops. Yes. And yes again.) and some of the Midwest: Clayton, Detroit, Fillmore (Minnesota? Nebraska?), Milwaukee, and St. Paul. In order to find the organized sections of the place, one must be east of Colorado Boulevard or west of downtown. (Where, in fact, the alphabet works well, according to this explanation by Wikipedia.) Oh, but wait. I've just discovered in reading Google maps that the street west of Broadway are alphabetized, too, although that run appears to be missing 'H' and 'P-Z', though they probably pop into and out of existence. It is this popping behavior that causes navigational confusion.

You come to a park and sometimes the road continues on the other side, but sometimes not. Or, a highway bisects one section of the street from the rest, but it's all the same street with continuous numbering. Or the street abruptly ends in a jersey barrier just to continue right... over... THERE. Who does that? I have been told the streets are organized and logical; they aren't allowed to just end!

And here, folks, is another case where the Buddhists are right: expectation leads to suffering. Each instance of my getting lost can be chalked up to the expectation that the streets are consistently organized and logical when they are not, which causes suffering in the form of lost time and gained anxiety. Well, you say, you claim to get lost in a paper bag, why is doing so in Denver different than doing so elsewhere? Allow me to use Boston as an example.

Despite this article in the Boston Globe, I maintain that Boston streets were laid out by cows. Once one is informed of this historical 'fact', navigational disarray of the city is a given, and from the moment one leaves the house to the moment one returns, it is expected that some degree of 'lost' will be encountered. But not so in Denver.

Upon learning I have navigated a car in Boston, a Coloradoan's first statement is, "You'll find Denver easy then!". Thus setting me up for unmet expectation and the aforementioned suffering. If it was just one iteration, perhaps I'd be able to buffer myself against it. But every Coloradoan I meet says it; I don't have the energy or the will to argue with every one of them! So, let me close with a note to the natives in hopes that my advice will be promulgated to the masses.

Deluding newbies is not helping your cause of convincing everyone in the US to move to Colorado. It is causing distrust and excessive CO2 emissions. Be honest. Be up front. Live up to your reputation for friendliness and buy us a GPS device. Or at least a map.