I don't like my job

I don’t like my job. There, I’ve said it. It’s difficult to admit, as I have traveled half way ‘round the world to do it, but it’s boring. In my capacity as registered nurse in the reproductive health clinic, I measure blood pressure, read weight on the scale, clean the examination room, and occasionally talk to English-speaking patients. This is not what I want to do. This is not what I came to do.

I want to give counseling about contraception and antenatal care and sexual dysfunction. But these things are über difficult when one does not speak the language of the majority of one’s patients. So, I must suffice as a nurse practitioner (the practice of which doesn’t even exist in Nepal) on the occasional English-speaking patient with diarrhea.

I feel a bit misled by the clinic, as the explanation of volunteering I read online said they wanted nurse practitioners when in reality the role of nurse practitioner doesn’t exist in this country. Then again, I did not ask questions about my responsibilities, so I am equally culpable. (Note: I have helped to draft a letter to volunteers interested in the reproductive health clinic, so as to save future nurses at least this disappointment).

As I wrote in one of my last posts, I enjoyed working in the “urgent care” department, which they call the “Dressing Room”. However, the usual nurse is back and, well, I don’t know why that should stop me. Well, part of the problem is his limited English. And I don’t want to step on his toes; when I worked in the Dressing Room last week, my friend Kunsang was working in there and it was no problem to work with her. I don’t know how he’d feel about my company. And with my limited Nepali, discussing feelings isn’t easily accomplished.

Today I spent the morning working in the hospice, where there are no dying patients, actually. I felt useful and productive doing dressing changes and giving sponge baths. However, I listened to the usual nurse vent about her frustrations with the work and I’m afraid I have internalized her feelings, as now I am out of sorts (another difficult thing to admit, as I’m half way ‘round the world – aren’t I supposed to be having a great time?).

To boot, I have started having anxiety about what to do when I return to the states in June. Continue with plans to move to Colorado? Stay in Massachusetts? Go elsewhere in the world? I have started to look for jobs in Colorado on my limited internet time (Wi-Fi is Rs. 30 per hour, which is less than $.50, not so expensive, but also not how I want to spend all of my money), but I am feeling discouraged; the job I want isn’t out there yet and the jobs that do exist are suboptimal. Although I’m not exactly sure what the job I want looks like, anyway. To make matters worse, I wasn’t having any luck getting an interview for a job in Colorado while living in Massachusetts – never mind while living in Nepal!

So, dear reader, your assignment today is to please send to me karmic vibes for clear thought. Thanks ☺